Stories In Their Own Right
by HumpyDumpy
Summary: A series of One and Two shots that I have lying around. Stars Most of the Kim Possible Cast.
1. The Belt Buckle

**Authors Note: With A Crush Like No Other finally coming to a close, I thought I would start work on Our Stories. But while looking through my stories folder, I found a bunch of half complete stories. So I thought I would post them as a series of One and Two-Shots. Hope You Enjoy!**

 **The Belt Buckle**

Ron Stoppable was in a situation. One that seemed to be occurring less and less ever since the introduction of the skinny jeans trend. But Ron, never one to follow trends, had opted to continue using his old baggy pants and belt. Ok, well the belt was new, having been given to him as a present by his girlfriend for their third anniversary. And there lied the problem, while almost any other day, he would have needed his pants to stay up, today, however, he needed them taken off. In a hurry if all possible.

The sensation in his nether regions were getting unbearable. The slight tingly feeling there was both uncomfortable yet oddly satisfying. After, minutes of wrestling with the buckle, he finally gave in, giving into his fate.

With a sad look on his face, he turned to Kim, bringing her the bad news. Which only seemed to prompt her to approach him. Without another word, she promptly brought her hands within proximity of his inner thigh. Slowly, she moved her hand around the area, appearing as though she was taking in the feeling. This only seemed to make the sensation worsen, as Ron once again attempted to remove his belt buckle, ready to vigorously yank at the dreaded piece of cast metal.

But this time, he was stopped by Kim, her other hand catching his before he made contact. Suddenly Kim, using the roaming hand, pressed firmly into his flesh. This only seemed to make the situation even direr, the sensation was getting worse. Ron could feel the heat on his skin. It was almost too much to bear. Disobeying Kim's orders, Ron once again started at his belt buckle. This time however, Kim started to help him by holding the belt buckle down for him. Much to her dismay this didn't help, rather only making the situation worse.

'Darn belt buckle' Ron cursed. This was a dire situation and he needed to get his pants off. Kim was waiting! But for the life in him he couldn't get this darn buckle open. To make matters worse Kim's rapid hand assault had caused a massive bump to form, clearly visible through his pants.

Freaking out, Ron finally started to get desperate, attempting to bit his belt buckle off. 'Darn neck, why won't you reach. I knew I should have taken those acrobatic classes with KP.' But Ron, being the tow headed teenager that he is, pressed on. After finally getting a bite in and tearing a bit of the material off, he decided to try again.

Kim once again offered her aid, this time however, she herself attempted to pry the belt open. The longer the belt stayed on, the greater chance of them getting caught. Which was why she was yanking at the belt buckle with all her might. "Darn you Wade, why did you make it so strong!" she mutter to herself. While this did help them on occasion, it didn't however her right now. Oh when she's done with this, she was going to chew Wades head off.

Five hours later, they still had no luck. Kim Possible had finally found her match, a belt buckle. They had tried everything: pulling, pushing, biting, igniting, pouring acid, heck they had even tried a chain saw. Not only would the belt buckle not budge, it also didn't have a scratch on it. Finally realizing that they had run out of time, they had finally decided to give up.

Two hours later, Ron finally got up to go home. Suddenly, the belt buckle finally came undone. Without a second thought, he pushed his pants down. The fresh air finally hit his thighs. "Ah" he sighed happily, finally free of his cotton cage. To Kim's Glee, some of the ants from her ant farm project had survived, crawled their way out of Ron's pants. Kim's glee turned to a blush as she got a good look Ron's nether regions, now propagated by many bumps.

"Um… Ron!" Kim squeaked.

Ron looked down "Eep!" He knew he had forgotten something that morning. Hastily, he pulled his T-shirt down to cover himself.

Looking back up he noticed the look currently plastered on Kim's face.

"KP, why are you looking at me like that?"

 **Authors Note:** **And we begin with a classic Not what you think story. So what did you think? Rate & Review.**


	2. The Visitor

**Authors Note: Alright guys, This is now getting its own Story. The second chapter will be posted later on Today. Any Title Suggestions, I was just think of sticking with The Visitor.**

 **The Visitor**

Kim Possible, often accredited as being as sneaky as a ninja, was currently putting those skills to us. Her target a decently dressed women in her late twenties. The mysterious women was wearing a blue single strapped dress paired with a silver purse, all while sporting a pair of highly fashionable black stilettos. All things considered, this was nothing out of the blue. No, the thing that made her stand out was the blond wig she currently sported on her head, Why did she need it?

"Hey, KP this is a sweet set up. ", came a mysterious voice.

Turning around, she found a man dressed in a black tux. She smiled as she noticed his kempt blond hair.

"You, sure cleaned up good." Kim remarked.

"Anything for the Bride to Be" Ron exclaimed.

Oh, did she forget to mention that she was getting married. Must have slipped her mind. Here she was, less than 3 hours from tying the knot and she was stalking a seemingly normal woman.

"Oh, I almost forgot I got you something!"

Handing her black, nicely wrapped box, he continued. "While I already got you two a present, I just wanted to get you something extra. Although I suggest you open it along with the other wedding gifts."

"Thank you, Ron" Kim beamed

"Your welcome. So, any reason your stalking this woman" he asked

"How, did you know I was stalking this woman?"

"Come on KP, I have been around you enough, to recognise mission mode when I see it" he answered

* * *

It had started as the happiest day of Kim's Life: the birds were chirping, the sun was signing, not a cloud was visible, and any other euphemism for happiness was probably also occurring. It was her Wedding Day, the day she marries her dream guy, this is the day she becomes Mrs. Joshua Wendell Mankey. The day had been going great, she had just come back from the beauty salon, as she was getting ready to leave for the Church a familiar three beep noise stopped her.

"Wade! It's my wedding day. I told you, no missions until the end of the month" Kim flamed.

"Nothing like that" He insisted.

"No, the reason I called was to inform you that, there won't be any GJ operatives at your wedding. Apparently, Drakken decided to launch another one of his take over the world schemes, again.

"Oh, for the love of…, fine anything else I should know?" Kim fumed at the revelation.

"It appears we have an uninvited guest at the chapel."

"So? Wade, as much as I may say otherwise, I am famous. There is bound to be some wedding crashers."

"I know, but this women seems…err… different" He said slowly

"Different how?" Kim was now intrigued. Usually, when Wade said something was different something bad usually happened.

"Well, I actually told Monique to tail her and make sure she doesn't do anything harsh. The thing is, I kind of…err…had her come back to me, saying she couldn't do it anymore. And before you ask, the same thing happened to Tara." He said nervously.

Kim sighed, so much for taking a bullet for her. He two maids of honour had abandoned her. While she could get Tara, why did Monique refuse to help? The girl had been a couple of actual missions on her, as a stand in for Ron. While she freaked out a lot more than Ron, at least she was brave enough to have her back then. So why freak out now?

* * *

Transported to the present, he mind went vary. For the past hour, she had been tracking this mysterious woman, afraid of her possible ill intent. This however had left her unready for the rapidly approaching ceremony. She blew a strand of hair in frustration, not seeing an alternate option but to once again track the mystery woman. Suddenly she noticed a golden opportunity lying in front of her, one in the form of her sidekick.

"Your right, I was stalking that woman. Call it wedding day paranoia, but I think that woman is up to something."

"What makes you think that?" He questioned.

"Oh you know, it's nothing really. It's her stilettos, her purse, her hair, her eyes, her posture, her…" She stopped talking for a brief second, finally out of breath.

"Uh, Kim your rambling!" Ron stated softly.

"Sorry Ron, it's just this whole sitch. I'm supposed to married in 3 hours and I'm not even dressed. And on top of this there's even more pressure to make sure our mystery woman doesn't do anything crazy." Ron could tell that Kim was on the verge of tears.

Thinking quickly, reacted by wiping the stray tears from her face. "Then why don't you let me handle her?" He said with a bright smile.

"You would do that?" Kim said, touched by his consideration.

"Absolutely!" He continued smiling. "And, who knows? I might even get her number!" This prompted a play slap from Kim.

"That's so you keep your head in the game!" Her frown then morphed into a bright smile. "And thank you!"

"Think nothing of it." Ron said dismissively, before he broke out into a run, following the direction the woman had went.

* * *

Ron had somehow managed to track the mysterious blond down. She had barged into various rooms and performed a quick search before moving on. 'She was looking for something but what?' He thought to himself.

"Find anything?" Kim's voice could be heard over his walkie-talky. Unfortunately, he had broken his Ronnicator not three days ago.

"Not yet! But she seems to be looking for something." He said. "I'm trailing her now, over!"

"Ron!" Kim obviously seemed annoyed.

"Hey, you said I was in charge of this reconnaissance mission!"

"I did, but…. Ugh fine. Keep me posted."

Ron cleared his throat loudly, it could clearly be heard over the walkie talkie.

"Fine, keep me posted. Over." She said stretching out the last word in annoyance.

"Thank you!" Ron said happily. It was nice being in charge. Luckily for him, the woman was seemingly unaware of this conversation occurring right behind her.

* * *

Finally the woman stopped, her final destination seemed to be in the same wing as the place where Kim was getting dressed. But the woman seemed nervous, her hands seemed to be fidgety. But for some reason her fidgety motion seemed familiar to Ron. "There's no time for that now!" he said to himself. Being this close to Kim, he contemplated calling her to finally apprehend the mystery woman. However, he decided against it, he figured Kim was stressed enough without the extra stress of this unwanted guest.

But just as he moved to approach her, a hand from a nearby room grabbed on to the woman in question. Before he could react, the woman was forcefully pulled into the room dropping her fake lock of blond hair, leaving Ron standing there in shock. Finally he decided to pursue his target, wanting answers to the various questions currently racing through his mind.

"Kim, I've found her." He stated hastily into the walkie talkie.

"Good, wait there. I'll come there." Kim said firmly. Wasn't she supposed to be a bride to be?

"No need."

"But…" Kim was cut off.

"You have to get ready, I'll handle the mystery woman."

"Alright, but be careful. I still need my best friend." She said, the reluctance in her voice was quite clear.

"Roger that. Over and out." He stated before walking slowly towards the door where the woman had been pulled into.

He gasped at what he saw inside.

* * *

Inside the room, he noticed a Red head and Strawberry blond verbally arguing. It was clear that the older woman was mad at the younger one. It also appeared that the strawberry blond was younger then he had first thought, probably being in her teens rather than her twenties. But then he finally noticed it, the piercing green eyes. Only one person he knew had them.

"Kim!" The name slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

Suddenly, the two woman looked up. The look of panic now apparent on their face, only made worse as Ron entered the room.

"Ron!" "Daddy!" they exclaimed simultaneously.

"Wade, our cover is blown!" An older Kim said seemingly into the air.

"Actually Kim, according to the time line, this meeting is supposed to happen." Wades voice echoed through her ears.

"But that mean…. that son of a bitch." She said angrily.

"Mom, don't diss Dad like that! You know how delicate time is."

"I know honey, but still. And, your one to talk missy." Kim said, before she started to scold the young woman.

Their bickering only stopped when Ron cleared his throat.

"Excuse me, but does someone want to explain to me what's going on." Ron interjected.

"I'll call you back Wade." Kim said, before tapping her ear to cut the call.

"Daddy, I'm so sorry I tried doing this. I guess we Stoppable's can't take change properly." The blond said before running to hug the male blond.

"Urm." Words refused to come out of his mouth.

"You wouldn't be our daughter if you didn't react the way that you did." Kim said to the young woman. But unknown to Kim, Ron analyzed the sentence thoroughly.

"Our!" He finally forced out.

"Yeah, Daddy! You and mommy." She said pointing to Kim.

It was then that Ron finally started his age old tradition of blacking out.

"Daddy!" the young girl screamed.

* * *

"Ok, anyone catch the plate of the truck that hit me." Ron groaned.

Kim and the mystery girl were hovering over him, wondering what to do next. They looked at each other with a knowing look. After all, who knew how many times he had probably said the same line to either of them.

"Ron, honey, are you Ok?" She asked.

"Don't honey me!" Ron slapped her hand away, stumbled to get up. He appeared angry. "What's going on? Who are you? Are we really married? Why is she calling me her dad? And for the love of all that is good, will someone tell me why she was wearing a wig! Erg!" The frustration in his voice was evident, any more surprises today and he would pull his hair out.

"Ron, honey, calm down!" Kim said as she gently stroked his back. Surprisingly, he did calm down... eventually.

"Ok, guess I better start from the top. I can't tell you everything, but I can tell you a couple of things. And no question!" she warned.

"Errm, Ok." Ron said, visibly less explosive then before.

"To answer your question, I'm Kim. And before you ask, yes the same one that's getting married right now."

"But how are you...?"

"What did I say? No questions! Seriously, it could alter the timeline." Kim stated firmly.

"But!"

"No!"

"Fine." Ron stated reluctantly.

"Yes we do get married, three years from now. Don't ask me about the specifics I can't tell you."

"You can't just drop a bomb on me like that and not expect questions! Come on let me ask one!" Ron said.

"Sorry, problems of time travel. I can only tell you this, wades instructions." Kim said, the timeless mission mode made its appearance once again.

"Fine!" Ron huffed. "Continue."

"Before you ask, yes she's our daughter. And as to why the blond wig, she uh... Why did you where a wig?"

"Hi daddy. You probably don't know me yet, but to me you've always been my dad. I wore the wig so I wouldn't get recognised. Yeah, I wasn't really thinking."

"Ok!" Ron said uneasily, there was more to the story, but he decided not to pursue it. "So why are you here anyways?"

Much to his surprise, the girl started to blush and avert her eyes from her parents. "Well, I just found out Mom's first marriage and I just thought that I could save mom the heart break."

"You found out?" Kim asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Ok fine, I accidentally overheard. I was just trying to help. Honest!" she hopelessly explained.

"Uh huh. While what your doing was out of the goodness of your heart, it could have had dire consequence."

"I'm sorry mom." The girl said sadly.

"Let's just get home, me and your dad, the one my age, will need to discuss this further."

The girl just groaned, before activating her portal.

"Wait!" Ron said desperately.

"Sorry, Ronnie. We really can't stay here any longer without risking damage to the time line. Besides, it's almost time for me to get married for the first time. " Kim told him before entering the portal. Just as she went through, the portal closed.

"Did that really just happen?" Ron said, still a little confused about current events.

* * *

The wedding ceremony began not 2 hours later. Kim had asked him about what had happened during the confrontation, but he had told her the woman had gotten away. Let no one say that, he, Ron Stoppable, never did anything for his daughter. Before she was even conceived never the less. While he still didn't exactly understand what had just happened, he had still acquired a great deal of knowledge.

This had caused a great deal of problem, making it exceptionally difficult for him to remain calm during the ceremony. But he had done it, sporting a fake smile for the sake of his best friend/ future wife? During the entire ceremony he was torn. Should he say something? On the one had he could potentially save her a whole bunch of heart ache later on, on the other he could grant her the temporary happiness that came with this wedding. Eventually, his desire for her happiness won out, resulting in him saying nothing.

So he just smiled, and looked on. Now only one question remained. "What do I say during my Gentlmen of Honour Speech?"

 **Authors Note:** **I started writing this when I was writing A Sitch Across Time. I actually got the idea for this story from a fanfiction I read. In it, Monique jokingly states that Kim would bring Ron on her Honeymoon, even if she married another guy. This was my version of a prequel to that hypothetical story. I will eventually post my take on that later in this collection (I still need to write it)**


	3. The Double Date

**Authors Note: This is chapter is a tribute to How I Met Your Mother. It's a fusion of two of my favourite episodes. Without a further ado, here it is.**

 **The Double Date**

Two pairs of eyes stared at the red head before them, the hesitance they felt quit thoroughly conveyed. But the red head didn't give up, rather pushing the issue again. For you see the owner of the two pairs of eyes had finally gotten together, raising the number of couples in their group to two, the red head and her blond haired fiancé Ron, and Monique and Felix. Being the only couple in their little group for the last 4 years, Kim finally had the opportunity to once again press her issue. That's right, she wanted to set up a double date/ game night between the two couples.

"Oh come on guys, why don't you want to have a double date?" Kim asked.

"Because…Because…we just got together. I don't think it's such a good idea to go on a double date so soon." Monique replied. Truth be told, she just didn't want to go. While Kim and Ron were both the nicest people you would ever meet, they were still lousy hosts. Not to say they were all bad, Ron's cooking was still to die for. It was the activities that were lacking, being geared towards older couples then newly minted ones. But knowing Kim, she wasn't about to say that to her face.

"Oh come on, it'll be fun! I'll even get Ron to make his famous seven layers of Heaven cake." The red head pressed once more, hoping they would take the bait.

This ploy seemed to be working, as after a couple of minutes of intense thinking, Monique gave in. "Oh, all right!"

"What! No!" Felix said forcefully. He so didn't need another evening of that again. Four years ago, he had went there with his then girlfriend Zita Flores. 'The burnt quiches' he thought with a stutter.

"I know the last time wasn't great guys, but we've gotten a lot better. I won't even be cooking this time. Come on, Please!" She said, producing a puppy dog pout at the end.

"Oh Alright!" Felix caved.

"Yay! I have to go tell Ron the good news!" Kim exclaimed happily. Before anyone could notice, she was already halfway out the door, skipping in delight.

"Oh what have we done?" Felix and Monique said with a groan. 'Another rotten evening' they thought.

* * *

Wade was on a mission, to finally get a date. Ever since his break up with Monique, he had been sulking around. But enough was enough he figured. So, he decided to go to the nearest karaoke bar to test his luck. After 3 hours of attempts, moves, singing and rejections later, he had finally scored. A girl, with a personality much like his had infact came back to his place. Unfortunately, before things could progress further, she had fallen asleep.

'I must have been such a riot that I overwhelmed her.' He thought as he placed a blanket on the sleeping girl. At 21 years old, Wade truly felt untamed, being a single guy in New York City and all. Granted, his luck has been relatively trivial to date, but he figured it was only a matter of time. Right?

The following morning, Wade was awoken by a ringing phone. As he answered the phone, he heard a rather obnoxious knocking at the door. Grudgingly he made his way towards the door, only to find Monique and Felix at the door.

"What do you want?" he said rudely. Normally he was a gay fellow, waking up early in the morning for work. But going to bed late and not having coffee in the morning could make anyone into a sour-pus.

"Why thank you Wade. Such a nice greeting you gave us" Felix stated sarcastically, a mock sorrowful look propagating his face.

"My bad, I was out late last night and….."

"Say no more Wade. So tell Uncle Felix how many times you struck. Come on." Felix said in a tone that would have made Barney Stinson Proud.

"Felix."

"I say 10." Monique piped in.

"Could I love you any more" Felix stated whimsically.

"Monique" Wade stated, glaring at his friend.

"20?"

"God it is possible to love you more!" Felix said before starting to kiss Monique passionately. Prompting Wade to slam the door in their faces.

Knocks once again propagated the apartment, as excepted Felix and Monique were there, a look of regret on their face.

"Come to apologize?" Wade asked.

"Sorry Wade, we are still recovering from Kim and Ron's get together thing."

"Oh yeah, I remember that. So how did it go?" he asked as he let in his guests. They all sat around his sofa set, a coffee table as its center piece.

"Horrible!" Monique and Felix said rather forcefully.

"Oh come on guys it couldn't possibly be that bad?" Wade said.

"Oh really. Yesterday evening, Ron came to our door." Felix began.

"Yeah so?" Wade asked cautiously.

"He came to warn us that Kim was cooking Cream Brule." Felix said. A look of horror had propagated the room, all having a previous experience with the horror that is Kim's cooking.

"In retrospect that should have been our clue one." Monique said, reflecting on her past mistake.

"I'm almost scared to ask this, but what happened next?"

"Well, we arrived there. And before Felix could give me his speech on things to watch out for, the door opened and we were transported into the room of horrors." Monique stated.

"Ok hold up, I understand the whole caught by surprise thing, but room of horrors? They have the best apartment out of all of us." Wade stated, his confusion apparent.

"Oh that they do. The only problem was Cream Brule that Kim cooked was spattered everywhere."

"Poor Kim. Ron's this gourmet cook and for get-togethers like these he usually does all the cooking. Leaving Kim with the cheese. Usually no one eats the cheese, so Ron usually has Rufus eat them before anyone could get a piece. That mole rat has probably saved more lives than vaccines. Although sometimes, Kim convinces Ron, I'll give you one guess how, to let her cook. The result is well this."

"Well this time her semi succeeded in actually making them. She just spent a majority of the evening forcing the Cream Brule upon us."

"Yeah that happens. You know, this was the dish that she was going to make when we were supposed to go for a get-together."

"But we never went to their get-together." Monique stated curiously.

"Exactly, I managed to convince them out of it. No need to convince old Wade west-side here." Wade said smugly.

"Ok, we won't." Felix said, abruptly breaking Wade's smug attitude. "So any ways the evening wore on. And the games they brought out! God, if I have to play another round of Duck, Duck goose again I'm going to lose it."

"Granted, their choice in games are pretty bad, but come on guys it couldn't have been as bad as you guys think."

"They even had a spat about an Egg timer Wade, An egg timer!" Monique said angrily. "Apparently, Ron was freaking out about him not being able to make his soufflé without it and Kim kept nagging him how it was his fault for breaking it."

"Ouch!" Wade said sympathetically.

"And don't even get me started on the guitar." Felix sighed angrily. "They entertained us with the worst song imaginable!"

" **Gives you hell** by All American Rejects?" Wade asked.

"Worse, **Tubthumping** by Chumbawamba."

"Those poor fools. I mean everyone knows 1000 miles by Vanessa Carlton is the go to song for entertainment. "

Monique just glared at Wade. The sound of a laughing track could be heard in the background. "That's not even the worst part." Monique stated

"I don't see how it could get worse."

"Do you now?" Monique said grinning. "Show it to him Felix."

Felix proceeded to go on Wade's laptop and type in a website called: **Kim/Ron and Monique/Felix BFF's .** A video started playing.

* * *

 _Welcome my friends._

"Is that Ron trying to imitate Michael Bublѐ" Wade asked.

"Yeah, just wait until Kim joins in."

 _To the story of our date!_

 _We had so much fun! Playing around all day. Oh Yeah!_

 _(A picture of the four of them playing duck goose came up. Kim and Ron seemed to be having a blast, while a bored look propagated both Monique's and Felix's face)_

 _Eating weird foods and throwing up all the same._

 _(A picture of Ron vomiting from eating Kim's cooking came up, a look of horror appearing on the new couples face.)_

 _There were some ups and some downs._

 _(A picture of Ron smashing the egg timer with a hammer came up. Kim, Monique and Felix could be seen in the background trying to stop him.)_

 _But overall we all had a blast. So there's only one thing left to say._

 _(The tune changed to one resembling the theme song of our favourite sponge under the sea)_

 _Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!_

 _Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!_

 _Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!_

 _Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!_

 _Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!_

 _That's the 31_ _st_ _._

 _(An animated calendar marked the date)_

 _Monday or Friday would work to._

 _(The animation once again marked the date)_

 _Or you know, any other day would work too._

 _(The entire calendar get filled with red x's)_

 _So come on tell us._

 _Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!_

 _(Time the voice was much higher. Indicating it was in fact Kim reaching her high note)_

* * *

"I still can't believe Kim hit the high note" Wade stated in a genuinely surprised tone.

"Oh I know, I've only heard her do it once. And that was when Kim and Ron engaged in amorous activities in our dorm. They must have thought I was sleeping, but I was wide awake. I could still hear her screams, it sounded like a dying lion." Felix said getting lost in his daydream.

"Felix, snap out of it!" Monique snapped her fingers in front of him.

"So what did you guys decide to do?" Felix was still recovering from the memory.

"Oh what did we not do?" Felix stated, now fully aware.

"Yeah, as soon as we went home, we changed our information. Bank accounts, emails, you name it. In fact we almost left the country. But the flights were full."

"I'm still saying I would have fit in luggage bag." Felix stated.

"And I'm saying that's for my clothes?" Monique retorted. "So anyway we decided to do the next best thing and camp out at your place for a little bit."

"Please, Please, Wad ester. We'll do anything. I'll even let you have my Stormtrooper costume." Felix pleaded.

"They one with the signed by David Prowse?"

"Yeah, so what do you say? Deal?" Felix offered desperately.

"I don't know?"

"I'll even throw in a replica lightsaber used during the filming of episode IV."

"Deal!" Wade said enthusiastically. "Although there's something you guys should know."

"What?" Both Monique and Felix said at the same time.

Suddenly, the girl Wade had brought over walked out of a room in a hurry.

"Hi Wade, I had a great evening. Sorry I have to go. But we should do this again sometime. Yeah! Ok call me!" she said as she headed out the door.

"Who was that?" Felix asked.

"That was Racheal."

"Nice!" he said offering his fist.

"Actually nothing happened last night." Wade said raising his fist to Felix's.

"Wade, Wade, Wade. You just got duked."

"What exactly are you saying?" Wade asked skeptically.

"Did you get her number?"

"Well no but…" Wade was cut off.

"What I'm telling you is that you had no chance with her. In fact I think you're the sexless inn keeper.

"How dare you? And what is that?" Wade asked in both a mixture of curiosity and anger.

"Oh my god, he's totally the sexless in keeper." Monique said matter of factedly.

"What's the Sexless inn Keeper?" Wade asked.

"Oh you're in for a treat." And so Felix began.

* * *

 _Twas the night before New Year's_

 _And the weather grew mean_

 _Twas three in the morning_

 _And I was stranded in Queens!_

 _The tavern grew empty_

 _The gas lights grew dim_

 _The horse-drawn carriages_

 _Were all but snowed in_

 _Last call was approaching_

 _And my fortunes looked bleak_

 _Then I turned to my left_

 _And stifled a shriek!_

 _She had a peach-fuzz beard_

 _And weighed sixteen stone_

 _She gobbled up hot wings_

 _And swallowed the bones_

 _I muffled a scream_

 _And threw up in my mouth_

 _I asked, "Where do you live?"_

 _And she said, "One block south."_

 _I swallowed my pride_

 _And six shots of Whiskey_

 _And prayed to the gods_

 _That she wasn't too frisky_

 _Back in her cave_

 _She prepared us a snack_

 _Neath her mighty hooves_

 _The floorboards did crack_

 _But when she returned_

 _She found a sound sleeper_

 _And thus she became_

 _The sexless innkeeper_

* * *

"That's sounds nothing like me" Wade said defensively.

"Doesn't it Wade? Cause I think it does." Felix said.

"Me too. In fact I think Mr. Clergy here may have been taken for more than just his bed?" Monique stated.

"What?" Wade and Felix asked incredulously. Monique simply pointed.

"She took my Treseme hair shampoo! Nooo!" Wade yelled dramatically.

"I think I need to go and lay down now!" Wade said in a sad tone. As he walked away, Monique and Felix both busted out laughing behind him.

Unknown to any of them. Wade had accidentally left the phone on.

 **To Be Continued.**

 **Authors Note: So, what did you think? I used the entire, poem from the 5x04 episode of How I Met Your Mother called Sexless In Keeper. Honestly, it was one of the funniest shows I watched up till date. Anyway, next chapter should be out soon. Rate & Review.**


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